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On Therapy

I'm in therapy. I keep on harping that to anyone I feel comfortable sharing it with. I discuss in detail what I do in therapy with just a handful of people, probably 2-3 persons. I tell anyone who's willing to listen because it's something that I want to normalize and by sharing it, I would feel more at ease about it. For years I have resisted getting help. I think I went into Psych because I thought it would help me. And I have always resisted counseling because my transference is really high, so is my abasement. But now that I am doing it, I realize how beneficial it can be, especially to someone like me who has a truckload of issues. As it is, it was Cat again who pushed me to do this--to engage in something that I need but was never brave enough to do. Inadvertently, her death pushed me into doing this. In the weeks following her death, I couldn't cope, I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything worthwhile and that time in my life opened my eyes that I had to ...
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On freedom

 I'm actually cheating. I used freedom in the title all because it's Independence Day here in my country--a country that's free in most aspects yet the shackles of poverty, corruption, and small-mindedness won't ever let its people be truly free. The disparity between the poor and rich is so vast that you will witness it just by walking the streets. I am privileged, I am aware of that, sometimes too aware, and yet there are times that I forget that. Martin said I'm one of the most self-aware persons he knows, my therapist pointed out you are actually very aware of your emotions but that I always rationalize situations and circumstances, and I am actually too self-conscious to let the small stuff go. At any rate, I'm supposed to be working on something but here I am slacking off. Is that a form of freedom as well? It's a choice, yes. Do I willfully do it? Yes, I procrastinate a lot. Will I kick myself for doing this? Also yes. Hahaha. Oh well. 
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On class musings and realizations

  So here I am again with a blog.  Since last month, I've been considering creating one but with work, school. therapy, and life happening all at once, I never really got to. Now, since I have some time to kill before I fold clothes and prepare dinner, I thought I might as well do this. Everything here is rudimentary--the design is just related to the title, the color I picked because it has green and Cat loved green towards the end, and a simple theme because I have no eye for design nor the inclination to customize anything at all.  I came from Stat class, a subject I am taking for the nth time yet still struggle with. I dislike numbers, hate inferring conclusions based on numbers, yet it's aligned with what I have been doing for the past two decades. Grannarly is prompting me to change the last sentence but I'm too lazy to think of a better sentence, to change the structure because that means I might have to change how I speak. I've gone back to journaling religiousl...
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