On class musings and realizations

 So here I am again with a blog. 

Since last month, I've been considering creating one but with work, school. therapy, and life happening all at once, I never really got to. Now, since I have some time to kill before I fold clothes and prepare dinner, I thought I might as well do this. Everything here is rudimentary--the design is just related to the title, the color I picked because it has green and Cat loved green towards the end, and a simple theme because I have no eye for design nor the inclination to customize anything at all. 

I came from Stat class, a subject I am taking for the nth time yet still struggle with. I dislike numbers, hate inferring conclusions based on numbers, yet it's aligned with what I have been doing for the past two decades. Grannarly is prompting me to change the last sentence but I'm too lazy to think of a better sentence, to change the structure because that means I might have to change how I speak. I've gone back to journaling religiously since everything happened and I realized that the way I write is mostly how I speak and think. At times there's clarity, others everything is just a mash-up of various thoughts and beliefs I have.

I'm in therapy. I would not be able to function as well as I do without it, primarily because I was at my lowest last January. Everything fell apart then--my relationship with myself, with Martin, with other people. The impact of the consecutive losses I suffered was tremendously debilitating. Losing Ate Michelle right after the start of the year was crippling but losing Cathie was worse. That is one curveball I never expected. 

Since I was 14, Cat has been a fundamental part of my life--one that I don't need to work on so much but is always, always there; one that I never imagined without. I've lost touch with lots of friends over the years, gained new ones too but in all the things that happened to me, Cat was always there, no matter what. Despite all my craziness, my unruly temperament, and my inability to clearly communicate my needs, Cat's always been there.

I need to stop here. My vision is acting up again, probably because of the wallpaper on the second monitor. Again, another thing to manage. Oh well.